HOW TO WRITE A EULOGY
thought of public speaking throws many people into a panic. Add to that
fear the common discomfort of discussing death, and it's easy to
understand why the idea of delivering a eulogy can be disconcerting. If
you've been asked to write a eulogy, take heart. This article will help
you put your fears in perspective so you can deliver a loving eulogy.
You were probably asked to deliver a eulogy because of your close
relationship to the deceased, and because the family trusts you to
honor his or her memory on behalf of family and friends. The family
doesn't want to make you feel uncomfortable, foolish or as though your
grief is on display. It's an honor they've bestowed upon you. Helping
others say goodbye may turn out to be a rewarding experience. Don't
worry about making mistakes. A eulogy comes from the heart of the
deliverer. I can't see how a mistake could be made as long as it is
honest and true.
"I can't write."
Don't let the thought of writing intimidate you. You don't have to
be a novelist to move people. Everyone has a story to tell and that's
your job as a eulogist. Tell people your story.
the book "A Labor of Love: How to Write a Eulogy," author Garry
Schaeffer says a eulogy should convey the feelings and experiences of
the person giving the eulogy, and should be written in an informal,
conversational tone. Schaeffer dispels the misconceptions that a eulogy
should objectively summarize the person's life or speak for all
present. Sit down and write from the heart.
often write about the person's attributes, memories and common times
that were shared together. Sometimes they include the deceased's
favorite poems, book passages, scripture verses, quotes, expressions,
lines from songs or items that were written by the deceased. Whatever
is selected, it generally reflects the loved one's lifestyle.
These questions should get you thinking:
- How did you and the deceased become close?
- Is there a humorous or touching event that represents the essence of your passed loved one?
- What did you and others love and admire about the deceased?
- What will you miss most about him or her?
of the simplest thoughts are deeply touching and easy for those
congregated to identify with. For example, "I'll miss her smile," or
"I'll never forget the way he crinkled his nose when he laughed," are
just as good as "I admired her selflessness."
"I can't speak in front of people."
It may not be easy, but you can do it. A funeral is one time you'll
surely have a kind and empathetic audience. They feel for you and are
on your side. You'll only have to speak for five to ten minutes, but
your gift will live in the hearts of the deceased's family
you're worried about choking up or breaking down in the middle of your
eulogy, you can take a moment to compose yourself, then carry on, as
Schaeffer recommends, or you can have a back up person ready to step
in. Give a copy of your eulogy to the minister or funeral director so
that person can finish the eulogy if you're unable to continue.
- Be honest and focus on the person's positive qualities.
- Humor is acceptable if it fits the personality of the deceased.
- "If you are inclined to be a perfectionist, lower your
expectations and just do what you can given the short time-frame and
your emotional state," writes Schaeffer in "Labor of Love."
- Keep it brief. Five to ten minutes is the norm, but it's a good idea to verify that with the minister or funeral director.
- Leo Saguin recommends interviewing family and friends in his book "How to Write and Deliver a Loving Eulogy."
- Put the eulogy on paper - at least in outline form.
Eulogy or Sharing Time?
If you're planning the funeral, you might want to consider "sharing
time" as an alternative to a eulogy. In sharing time, the people
congregated pass a microphone or take turns standing up to share their
thoughts. It's like a lot of mini eulogies and is more spontaneous.
Books Offering Help, Examples and Inspiration
- "A Labor of Love: How to Write a Eulogy" by Garry Schaeffer
- "The Book of Eulogies: A Collection of Memorial Tributes, Poetry, Essays, and Letters of Condolence" by Phyllis Theroux (editor)
- "How to Write and Deliver a Loving Eulogy" by Leo Seguin
- "Final Celebrations: A Guide for Personal and Family Funeral Planning" by Kathleen Sublette and Martin Flagg
- "In Memoriam: A Practical Guide to Planning a Memorial Service" by Amanda Bennett and Terence B. Foley
- "My Deepest Sympathies: Meaningful Sentiments for Condolence
Notes and Conversations, Plus a Guide to Eulogies" by Florence Isaacs
- "Remembering Well: Rituals for Celebrating Life and Mourning Death" by Sarah York
- "Readings for Remembrance: A Collection for Funerals and Memorial Services" by Eleanor C. Munro (introduction)
- "Remembrances and Celebrations: A Book of Eulogies, Elegies, Letters, and Epitaphs" by Jill Werman Harris (editor)